Have you ever gotten that feeling that the universe has turned its back on you? Whether big or small, things seem to consistently keep going wrong but in such a short space of time that it feels as though you smashed a mirror without realising? I feel sad to admit that unfortunately this has been a common feeling for me recently.

Now don’t get me wrong when I force myself to think about specific lovely things, there have been quite a few, I mean my year started spectacularly, but unfortunately it was not a case of starting as we meant to go on. Studies have found that our brains react more to negative stimuli than positive and although logically I know this, I couldn’t help but fall victim to an extended glum feeling, when it seemed that a cluster of not great things just kept on coming.

Not great thing number 1 – I’d made a few financial commitments that should have been just about manageable but then I was hit by Sod’s Law in the form of a few unexpected mandatory expenses putting me in a position that felt very precarious.

Not great thing number 2 – I’d also been feeling a little unfulfilled in my job and what started out as a small niggle grew into something much more prevalent as the year progressed. I felt demotivated dispassionate and as if I no longer had any value to add to a job I’d previously loved. It’s a strangely demoralising feeling.

Not great thing number 3 – The person that I liked cut off contact with me very abruptly with no explanation and in all honesty it rocked me. You know when you’re a kid and you have a favourite toy that you play with all the time, as you mature you still come back to the toy but then one day you realise you’ve outgrown it and throw the toy away? Well in that Toy Story-esque scenario I felt as though I was that toy abruptly discarded once I was outgrown. It also didn’t help that as my brain attempted to process being cut off my tendency to overthink forced me to keep dwelling on them and they’d show up in my dreams. I legit felt as though I was being haunted day and night.

Getting over someone without closure is inordinately difficult which led to me not feeling like my usual bright and shiny self and being insanely distracted. In this distracted heartbroken (while feeling as though I had no right to be heartbroken) phase I kept making mistakes one of which cost me greatly financially, compounding not great thing number 1 and adding even more monetary pressure.

As it felt as though the hits just kept on coming I was in a perpetual state of sadness, fear and self loathing and I could’ve continued on that downward spiral entertaining all of the negative thoughts that sometimes plague us but I knew this couldn’t continue.

I wouldn’t usually be so vulnerable or share so much but I’m partly using this as a method of catharsis. Catharsis is the process of releasing, and thereby relieving strong emotions. So how do we achieve catharsis I hear you ask?

Well writing is one way. You might keep a diary, write down your life story, utilise journal prompts to answer specific questions or even just write a letter to yourself or someone who has had a profound impact on you (whether positive or negative) then burn it to release it. Even allowing yourself to have a big cry (or even many big cries) or taking yourself to an unpopulated place to practice primal screaming. Whatever the method finding a way to release your pent up emotions will massively help on the journey to self healing.

I personally have a deep need to feel understood and I feel comforted when I believe others understand or have been through what I’m going through. One of the methods I use for feeling as though I share feelings and experiences with others is through music. I’ve always loved R’n’B love songs but the older I get and the more experiences I have the more the lyrics and the emotions of the singers speak to me, which helps me to feel less alone. Research evidence suggests that music helps lower stress. Upbeat music can also work like magic, instantaneously shifting you out of a funk or bad mood. Music also has connections to memory and specific songs can evoke memories of good times and great people.

Another method I use for feeling understood is by purposefully ensuring I stay connected to people who’ve made me feel that way throughout my life. When we’re feeling bad some of us can revert to isolating ourselves even more as we may not want to ‘infect’ others with our funks. However the saying a problem shared is a problem halved is popular for a reason, Sharing our worries with others and connecting on a deeper human level reminds us that we are not alone and we don’t have to tackle life’s challenges alone either. If you don’t want to tell those you know about how you’re feeling, I personally recommend seeking support from a trained person whether a coach, a counsellor or a psychotherapist. Those trained to listen to you and help you to look at challenges from different angles has untold benefits and you may come away with much needed insight and coping techniques.

A key way to make it through the ‘dog days’ is to actively practice self-compassion. That critical voice inside has a nasty habit of making regular appearances when we’re feeling low and defenceless. In these moments compassion is even more integral than usual. Extending grace to ourselves, allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, not judging ourselves for expressing them and being patient with ourselves. There are 3 pillars to self compassion; the first is kindness, actively comforting yourself the way you would a loved one going through similar. The second is common humanity which is the acknowledgment that all humans are flawed and we all make mistakes so not holding ourselves to higher standards than we would hold others to. The third is mindfulness, recognising your feelings by observing them but not letting them overwhelm or control your behaviour.

Moving your body can help for a number of reasons, first the chemicals that are released when we exercise have been proven to improve mood. Depending on the type of exercise you enjoy it can also provide a source of much needed community and connection to others which is crucial for positive wellbeing. Exercise also gives us an opportunity to clear our heads and it can also stimulate creativity, I actually conceived the idea of this blog when I was running and it essentially poured out of me as I was feeling so inspired.

Which leads onto ‘getting creative’ whether you like to write, draw, sing, dance or build lego empires, exercising your creative muscles can provide a much needed outlet, At the very least it gives us something to focus on and a sense of accomplishment when we get to see the finished product.

Speaking of having a task to focus on, when you’re feeling low, reflecting on what it is you want and setting small achievable goals to help you work towards achieving your ultimate goal can also give you a boost. Deciding what you want, working through the tasks of how to make it happen and taking it one step at a time can help to re-ignite your joie de vivre or passion for life.

Those who focus on supporting others generally have higher life satisfaction. Research has shown that helping others activates our internal rewards centre causing our brain to release all the feel-good hormones. So find a cause that means something to you and spend time volunteering. It can also help to put what we’re going through into perspective and give us a sense of a higher purpose.

Finally knowing (and reminding yourself) that you’ll make it through this is sometimes what we need. They say time is the greatest healer but sometimes that time can feel like an eternity when you just want to feel like yourself again. I remind myself that I’ve made it through worse and have even thrived following previous bad times which helps me to believe I can and will certainly make it to thriving again. There’s a saying “This too shall pass” which I think is very appropriate here. Nothing lasts forever and one of the only constants is change so knowing that at any moment a great thing can come along to blast away the bad is definitely worth holding on for.