As you may (or may not) have gleaned from previous posts I’ve written when it comes to matters of the heart I am, for want of a better word, a disaster!!!
This is due to a number of reasons but I think one of the major contributing factors is that when it comes to dating I do tend to focus first on the physical. Of course personality and how I get on with someone is a very important factor also but outer appearance is what I see first and to put it bluntly if I can’t imagine myself having sex with someone I generally don’t see the point in taking it any further.
My reasoning for this is two-fold. I have in the past, I admit maybe not as often as I should or could have, decided to give some people another chance in addition to our initial meeting to explore whether my feelings changed. However I have always come to the same conclusion, that my first impressions very rarely change. In fact I can only recall one instance where I grew to fancy someone I didn’t initially think I found attractive. Although in hindsight I’m not sure I was being entirely honest with myself when we first met.
My second reason is that I am really conscious of leading people on, I don’t like the idea of going on several dates hoping that my feelings will grow. When my absent feelings invariably don’t manifest themselves, I’d rather not experience the guilt of having wasted that persons time. Nor would I want to potentially risk their feelings for me developing for me to inevitably hurt them later on. I also don’t want to waste my own time, I’m sure you’ve heard this before but time is a precious commodity and shouldn’t be squandered just for the sake of it.
Which is why I assigned myself the moniker ‘the one date wonder’. My dating history is littered with first dates not progressing to a second due to, the aforementioned reasons. I probably would have always felt this was the correct approach were it not for a conversation that took place with a very old friend of mine from university.
I was visiting the city of my Alma Mater for another of our friends 30th birthdays (yes, unfortunately I’ve reached that dreaded stage). We were out drinking and having a good time when settling into a one on one conversation he asked me, one of my most dreaded questions “How is your love life?”
After I blurted my standard humourous quip in my usual attempt to deflect any forays into discussing my non existent “love” life he asked me again and I knew he would not be put off so easily. So I answered truthfully.
I think I need to give you a little background but when I knew this guy at University while I wouldn’t necessarily call him a player I also couldn’t imagine him finding the one and ‘settling’ down necessarily. Having said that he is now in a very serious relationship, so I asked him why he decided to progress things with this particular person.
His response was simply that the more time he spent with her the more he liked her. I admitted that I hadn’t really had much experience of that as I rarely go on second dates and explained my reasoning as I did to you earlier on. He challenged me, and stated that I should give people more than one date to decide if I like them. As you know I like to rise to a challenge and we mutually decided that I should implement a 3 date rule.
So I resolve to cast off my one date wonder status and in the future, should I meet someone I want to date I will go on a minimum of 3 dates with them (providing they are willing, of course) before making the ultimate decision of whether I will pursue things or not.
Realistically I don’t date all that often any more so it may be a while before I can give you an update on how this quasi-experiment will go but if I manage to shake off my ‘one date wonder’ status and progress to that previously elusive third date you can be sure dear friends you will be the first to hear about it.
Until next time…
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